May 27, 2009
1. Fill diaper.
2. Create Poo Masterpiece on crib and walls. Working title: "Sanctifying My Mother". Don't forget to sign it.
3. Leisurely bath. Practice shouting the ABCs. Put finishing touches on Shamu impression, displacing as much water as possible. Way to multitask, bro.
4. Break personal record for longest period of uninterrupted nudity.
5. Fetch watering can full of last night's recycled bathtub water. Use every last drop on the bathroom rug.
6. Time out.
8. Negotiate the loan of Mariah's lovey for naptime, since all four of mine are covered in poo. What a sucker.
9. Raid mom's night stand. Remove tub of vaseline. Apply liberally to face, hair, and furniture. I am a stud.
10. Time out.
11. Reject healthy dinner. Demand a cracker.
12. Time out.
13. Bath # 2. Bonus points for extra nudity.
14. Challenge sisters to a game of baby tag. Fall down. Scream loud enough to alert the neighbors.
15. Don batman pajamas. Scale sisters' bunkbeds.
*note to self: Utility belt is for decorative purposes only. Grappling hook not included.
16. Lights out. Begin plotting tomorrow's attack on Mom's sanity. Life is good.
The keys to lasting change
3 days ago